You are quite fat

Before we met our homestay families, we were briefed on some basic Acholi culture so we did not commit any fatal faux pas the first night.  It is customary for guests to eat first, and that our host families will encourage us to eat more than our stomachs can hold.  Do not refuse special treatment at first, such as heating bath water, doing laundry, cleaning, special food, because that is a refusal of their hospitality.  Then the homestay coordinator called out one of the students and said, “And if you are like Denton, they will think you are good and wealthy and smart, but if you are thin you are useless and miserly.”  What he did not say directly is that fatness is seen as an ideal- a display of wealth and is somehow associated with being a good person, and that people will comment on your size.

My first night at my homestay, my cousin fed me dinner as soon as I arrived (at 4 pm, not a normal time for them to eat), followed by bananas and roast maize and another dinner at 9 pm.   She said, “We will fatten you up before you go back to America!”  Every meal, each adult member of the family insisted that I eat more.  I serve myself (I am so glad they let me serve myself!) small portions, but that is partly because they feed me very frequently and because they mostly eat starch and protein.  They are quite proud of their food.  “It is all pure, all organic.  Very high quality.”

When I met a friend’s host mother, she told me, “You are quite fat.  How many are there in your family?”  Regardless of whether this is a cultural compliment, it seems rude to American sensibilities.  Ugandans are just more frank than we are- or frank in a different way.  Today I showed my cousin how to use my camera, and somehow we ended up showing pictures to a neighbor.  “This is bad.  This is not a good picture.  It is out of focus!  And this one, not good foreground.  This is good.  Was it evening?  Where is this?”  He felt no qualms about critiquing my photography, despite just having met me.  We ended up having a long conversation about why I am here (which happens quite often), and he said, “You have been learning Acholi?  You must not be trying very hard.” 

And yet, Acholis laugh way more than I do.  My cousin has developed a habit of saying, “Ahhh!  Emalay!” and laughing uproariously.  It was incredibly disconcerting at first, but now I just laugh with her.  My family laughs heartily whenever anyone in the family dances, which happens pretty often.  I’ve stopped wondering if people are laughing at me whenever they speak in Acholi and then belly laugh- it happens much too often for that.  My family did not comment on my serving size for a full day- we’re making progress.  I might not get comfortable with people complimenting my fat, but at least I can laugh with them now.